So We Both Have Jerks For Fathers
by moonswirl
Summary: Gleekathon, day five hundred and twenty:  top 16  They both woke up that day knowing somewhere out there, she had just turned one year old.


Started my daily ficlets to make the hiatus pass, then decided to keep going with a 2nd cycle, and then a 3rd, 4th, etc through 24th cycle. Now cycle 25!

_**It's cycle 25!**__ If you'll recall, back in cycle 10 I did my top 15 of favorite things (characters, ships, friends..) in Glee, with a ficlet for each of the numbers, and a chapter fic for number 1 (stories 190 to 210). Now this time around, in order to schedule in a friend's birthday, it's a top SIXTEEN, and the number one's six-chapter fic will be split in three blocks... (5 ficlets-2 chapters-5 ficlets-2 chapters-5 ficlets-2 chapters) It's less confusing than it seems, I promise ;) Here we go!  
**Coming in at number five! This story is dedicated to my friend Mara! Happy Birthday! :D**_

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**"So We Both Have Jerks For Fathers"  
Quinn/Puck **

It all just snuck up on her. Maybe it was because of Regionals, or the Finn thing… the Rachel thing… or maybe she just didn't want to think about it. But then that morning came, she opened her eyes, and the thought rammed itself into her barely conscious mind… It was today… Or more precisely, it was that day… one year ago.

One. She was one… her daughter. It just didn't seem possible. Just a moment ago she had first seen her belly was growing, just a moment ago she had first felt her move in her, just a moment ago she had first held her… the only time, and then she was gone. How had it been a year? She remembered her as this tiny thing with fuzz on her head and big, wandering eyes… Now she'd be… crawling? Walking? What about talking?

She wouldn't talk about it, most of the time… It was her choice. She couldn't be reminded every day, couldn't be That Girl still… It didn't mean she didn't remember. Every day, she thought about her… Before she went to bed, she always, always had a thought for her, always at least one in the day. And still she had not seen the anniversary come.

She left home like it was any other day, but she didn't go to school… she couldn't do it. She wouldn't hear a word anyone would say, and if anyone ever bothered to realize there was something wrong with her… She couldn't tell them; they wouldn't get it.

So she went to the mall. It was the only thing she could think of; it was a mistake.

It was a weekday morning. Even if there were still people there, there weren't that many. And after retirees, the largest demographic was women with babies and small children. The moment she started noticing them, she couldn't not see them anymore. She sat on a bench, trying to decide what to do and, in that time, found herself in an endless stream of them… It was like it would not end… and she couldn't move anymore.

Her head was just full of thoughts, so many that she couldn't make sense of them. She didn't know how to untangle them, and then… Just one thought managed to squeeze itself out, and that feat made her listen to it. She pulled out her cell phone, and she stared at it… a good long while. She didn't know what would happen, but she started typing out a text.

"_She's one."_

Not one minute had gone by that she'd sent it, and in came an answer. _"Where are you?"_ She breathed out and replied that she was at the mall. _"Wait at the fountain,"_ came the next message, just as prompt. Only knowing that walking just a few feet to the left would get her to where she needed to be got her to stand and move to sit at the fountain.

Puck arrived ten minutes later… record time. She expected no less. He sat by her side and said nothing. Eventually, she closed her eyes and opened them again as she turned her head to look at him. "How'd you get out?"

"I may have said some things… I'll be in detention for like a month." It was the first time she smiled all day; it didn't last. "I knew you wouldn't come today," he spoke.

"I tried… I left home and I… couldn't." She paused, and the rush of the water in the fountain at their backs felt louder. "She's one…" she repeated the words that had been going through her mind.

"I know. I remember," he assured her.

"Am I a bad person for not talking about her more?"

"Of course not," he hadn't expected that from her. "I get it," he shrugged, and she breathed out. "Am I bad for not talking about her at all?"

"No…" she tilted her head, just as surprised.

"What does it mean that I can't do it?" She just looked at him. "I do think about her," he stared out ahead. "But it's not like anyone would want to see me…"

"See you what?"

"I don't cry or anything," he defended himself momentarily, then quieted again. "But I do think about getting to be there for her. Now she's all on her own with Rachel's mother…"

"She'll take good care of her," Quinn spoke slowly.

"I know, but… She doesn't have a dad…" he stated, looked to her. She looked back at him, drifted some.

"They're not always so good…"

"You don't have to tell me that," he drifted, too, and she closed her eyes briefly, remembering about Puck's father. "So I guess we have that in common." It was her second smile of the day. "I wanted to change that for her… Break the cycle, you know?"

"I'm sorry," her voice got small. He looked back, took her hand, which caught her by surprise.

"Don't… You did the right thing." She didn't say a word, but her eyes said thank you. "Whatever happens, wherever we are, it doesn't matter… If you need to talk about it, about her, you can call me," he swore.

"Goes both ways," she bowed her head; now he smiled, too. "I think we need to do that…" Looking at him right there, she could remember him… 'her Puck.' He didn't let many people see 'him,' but she was glad to know he was still in there. Maybe things between them had changed; they'd pulled apart… because they'd needed to. Their daughter may have been well, living happily as someone else's daughter, but to them it was still a loss…

"You hungry?" he asked, and she realized she hadn't eaten all day. That thought must have reached her face, because he got up, still holding her hand until she let him pull her to her feet, then he let go. "It's on me."

By the end of the day, she had gotten to a place where… she could sleep. She'd been afraid she wouldn't have been able to. She put her head on her pillow, but her eyes were still open. She knew somewhere else in Lima, someone else would go to bed, thinking of the one they'd given up, and they'd offer up the words…

"Happy Birthday, Beth."

THE END

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**A/N: This is a one-shot ficlet, which means that signing up for story alert will not bring you any alerts.  
****In the event of a sequel, the story will be separate from this one. And as chapter stories go, they are  
****always clearly indicated as such [ex: "Days 204-210" in the summary] Thank you!**


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